VIVID DREAM OF MAX

Journal Entry
Friday 10/22/2004
Half Moon
Around 6:00 a.m.

I had another amazing dream. Well, not just a dream, more like a vision. In this vivid trance, I saw Max dressed in grey as he broke through the front door of our home. Frantically, he called out my name, “Mandy!”

“Mandy, where are you? I can’t see you!”

Awestruck by his wild appearance, I tried to speak or at least say his name. Yet, suddenly, I seemed to have lost my faculties.

At this point, Max became frenetic, pacing back and forth… roaring from the rafters like Panthera onca, “Mandy!”

“Where did you go? I need you!”

Though I wanted to speak, I was mute in the dream. Yet, I wanted and so needed to be there for him. And with that thought, came a sudden ability to scream, “Max, I’m here!”

“Over here!” I cried, running toward him. Our eyes met, like we had achieved some kind of lock-on delirium. He made a lunge for my body and raised me up to his corporeal being. In the dream, he seemed real, like a spirit who had a living, breathing body.

There, at the landing, we held each other in desperation. “Mandy, I’m so sorry,” Max said sadly. “I won’t leave you again.”

“I promise.”

“Max,” I sighed, relieved just to hold him again – and to hear his sweet, soulful sound. Yet, perhaps because I was afraid he might evaporate into thin air, I would not, could not, loosen the grip I had on his arm. He had left me before – in death, that is – and I wasn’t about to let that happen again.

Standing still, it seemed I could read his thoughts and sense his every emotion. As I held him close, I let the water from my eyes bathe his aching heart and soothe his restless soul. Before long, I understood, all these months he had been just as weary as I. Nevertheless, I wasn’t worried, because I knew that together we would find peace and wholeness again, even in a dream….

Hand in hand, like children we drifted out to a captivating Land of cascades, sea green gardens and trickling waterways where every enchanting wish comes true. A breathtaking sense of delight washed over my body, mind and spirit. Falling further and further into a state I can only describe as freedom and joy, at last, I loosened the vice grip I had on my darling’s hand. I certainly didn’t need to hold him so tight… for my consciousness, my entire being began to merge with his as we moved into a state of harmony… into a synchronous state of divinity… a place of endless bliss where we carry on together though physically apart.

*****

What a downer waking up can be. It is at first, but ultimately I know it doesn’t matter.

All that matters is the vision… more real than life itself.